Pulling the thread of life and why one acts/reacts as they do is a worthy journey.
I've known for some time that I was probably ADD and likely a big dose of cPTSD from dealing with the asthma and hospital situation over my childhood. Pro tip: Not all nurses are nice and in the 60's and 70's your folks went home after visiting hours.
More recently I've been learning about how autism displays in females, and more so in adults, and well let's just say if I was playing bingo I'd have nearly a full card.
It's a tough discovery, but it sure explains a whole pile of stuff in my life.
Women are trained from an early age to mask - even when ASD isn't in the picture. To smile and be pleasant even when you don't want to. Doctors and other professionals were more familiar with the way boys exhibited autism vs how girls did and even then many didn't unless they had direct experience. For those who learned to mask or weren't overtly affected it was easy to fly under the radar as it were.
I had to do loads of masking in the hospital just to get by since you never knew what kind of nurse you were going to have to deal with for the shift and if your needs would be met. At the Crippled Children's Center even more as I knew I needed the program to get my asthma under control so leaving wasn't an option. Bullying was a normal thing there but you shut up and took it because eventually it will be over and you can go home. As an adult we do it because it is the socially acceptable thing to do vs telling some creepy coworker to fuck right off or when out on a date to make sure you can get away and not be sexually assaulted.
Smile and pretend everything is OK.
I'm not sure if I will proceed with the huge expense of a diagnosis or not. What is the advantage of that piece of paper at this point in my life? What I have gained is insight and thus access to tools and strategies to deal with life and to give myself the grace needed when I need it. That in itself is a gift.